UPDATE!
POSTED AT 02:31 AM

OKAY KIDDOS!

 

SO It's been forever and a day since I've posted on this blog (nearly forgot of its existence really... heh..). I've matured a little and my mind set is a bit different than where it once was, but I'm pretty much the same person, more or less.

Anyway, I've decided to update this piece of crap... I've gotten better at graphics-making (sort of), so I shall be creating a new layout soon(ish)... maybe... eh, I'm lazy and have a lot of projects for myslef so we'll see. I have a lot of new poems though, so I'll definitely be adding those soon.

I'm not sure if anyone even comes by here anymore, but if you do, leave me some comments because they amuse me. haha

Currently listening to: the GazettE - BURIAL APPLICANT
Currently reading: Jeanne DuPrau - The City of Ember
Currently watching: NOTHING
Currently feeling: awake

POSTED AT 09:34 PM

hey minna! I haven't posted here in forever. I've added a new poem called "Circles". Let me know what you think! I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but if you do, here's an update on my life.

I'm friends with (what did I call him?) again. I'll just call him Bunny for privacy purposes. haha. Anyway, so we went on a class trip and there was no way for me to ignore him or him to ignore me and now we have reverted to how we were two years ago. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but I'll just let it be.

Basketball is frustrating me. My coach has successfully taken the small amount of confidence I had left, and squished it like a small bug. It doesn't help the my teammate seems to think I suck. I went from being at the top to having no trust. Why do I play? I don't understand why Coach still starts me with the crap he spews out. Would I be missed if I quit? I won't quit, but I'm feeling really hopeless. Coach keeps yelling at me for things I don't even do. I have no problem with him yelling at me; as long as it's valid. But when he starts yelling at me for stuff that other people do--what am I supposed to do about it?

Overall I feel like people are losing hope in me. My existance is shrinking and I'm not sure how to stand up anymore. Being positive is difficult, but I keep trying. It's hard to change when no one lets you. It's hard to change when you're constantly being put down. But I'll manage. I always do. This is just harder than it has ever been.

Currently listening to: Switchfoot - Meant To Live
Currently feeling: drained

POSTED AT 04:28 AM

maybe he just signs of before I respond so it doesn't prolong his departure... we tend to talk for an extra 20 minutes when he says he's going to leave. But for some reason, it hurts a little each time he signs off in a hurry. It's just AIM, who cares? It's just him, so why does it hurt? I mean, it's a pet peeve of mine when people sign off in a hurry, but this one... it's a little more than irritation... Currently feeling: hurt

honestly?
POSTED AT 04:38 AM

haha, okay so remember back when I said nothing good can happen w/o something bad? Well, my good didn't last. Lately I've been feeling like shit for no reason. And I've been too scared to vent, 'cause well, honestly, I wouldn't want to listen to me and my petty problems. And I think I'm making myself sick with my stress and no release. I've been getting real sharp pains throughout my midsection and some massive headaches and I've just been real down lately with no one to talk to. Everyone I talk to (yes, I tried) pretty much just make it worse. I'm slowly losing my fight, slowling giving up. why?

I have no idea what's wrong with me. I went from super happy to unbearably low. Maybe it's just caffeine withdrawls? Who knows. All I know is, I hate this feeling of weakness.

Currently feeling: melancholy

yay!
POSTED AT 07:40 PM

I finally found someone to talk to that doesn't irritate me. I just hope I'm not irritating to him. haha. See, most people I talk to online, after a while... it's just so.... bleh. but this guy, our convos last forever and often about the same things, but it's still interesting! And for some reason, he says the right things at the right times to make me feel less like shit. Maybe it's 'cause we can both speak "basketball" or soemthing (that's pretty much all we talk about) but yeah, I don't feel awkward or hesitant in what I say to him. With some people I edit myself, but with him, it's just so... whatever ^_^V anyway, well for once in my life, I'm not so down-in-the-dumps. Hopefully it can stay this way.

Sure, I still have my moments of "shittiness", but don't we all? But overall, Life's pretty good right now.

Currently listening to: Ignition (remix)
Currently feeling: content